What Happens When the Lights Go Out?

So, I’m released from the hospital within 24 hours of surgery. Not sure why coz I was still not feeling well and drowsy. I was graciously invited to live with family friends post-surgery to recover so I was heading to their home. I arrived at 5pm and went to bed right away. It so happened that they were having a pre-scheduled dinner party on the same day I arrived, at 6pm. The dinner party was eventually underway while I napped and woke up only to take my meds. At 9pm, I was invited by one of the family members to have something to eat. I thought it would be a great opportunity to “practise” walking and stretch out my muscles so I opted to go to the kitchen where the dinner was. I was fine as I tried to mingle and eat my food (that was so thoughtfully mashed up and heated so that I could swallow it, given my sore throat). Did I mention how I love these people for their kindness?

So, here I am standing by the island and having just finished my meal. I turn to my host who asks me if I would like some chocolate mousse cake for dessert. At that exact moment I felt a wave of nausea overcome me. I thought I was going to need to go to the bathroom so I looked at my host and a lady guest and said “I’ve got to go now”...

And then I fainted.

All I recollect is the next morning when I was told the gory details. I passed out in the middle of the kitchen and my quick-thinking friends “caught” me so that I did not fall and tear my stitches. One of the guests summoned up the mean who were downstairs and it took two-able bodied family members to lift me (in all my glory) and put me back on my bed. There was contemplation of calling 911 as well.

Holy cow! How was I to know that between dinner and dessert at the party I would actually give everyone a show? I felt embarrassed as I have always prided myself as this tough cookie. Never did I think that I would experience a system shut-down. But the interesting part is that the embarrassment quickly turned to extreme humility and gratefulness.

Humility: I felt humbled when I realised that I am not “in control” as I often think. In fact, it is entirely a myth if I feel that I have an infinite power over everything that concerns me. The fact that my body failed me and that the past many months have been the most physically painful, made me realise that there is more to ME than my body. As a Hindu, I’ve always believed the concept of a soul but it is the first time I felt the distinct separation between my soul and my body. This experience has taught me that I am more than the sum of my visible parts. There will be times when I will have no control over my body, the pain it is subjected to and the pain that is inflicted on it – but my soul remains intact, serene and peaceful. In this journey of life, my body is simply a conduit. If I always remember this, than pain loses its relevance, doesn’t it? Deep eh?

Gratefulness: I felt a deep sense of gratitude towards the family that cared for me during my dark, painful moments. I cannot even count the number of tears they wiped, the number of times they held my hand when I was fearful and the number of times they taped together the broken fragments of my body. It was their healing hands and loving hearts that put me together, physically and emotionally. I read somewhere a long time ago that “one can easily judge the character of a person by the way they treat people who can do nothing for them” – and based on the way I was treated, I was humbled to meet people whose character traits I aspire to.

**This particular blog is dedicated to Kam, Sarb, Suki, Amrit and their mom :)**